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October 3,2015 10:58pm

I remember….Yes, I remember

When all I had 

were the anonymous comments

When all I knew was pain

How I cried alone each night

And woke with dried tears on my face

I remember
I remember too well

All that happened

And I know this feeling

It’s in the pit of my stomach

Threatening to come up

Causing cramps and nausea

This feeling of 

Not wanting to be

Of not knowing what to do

Because there is nothing

And no one
I remember how I cried those nights

How I wanted to slice my flesh

Watch red bloom from porcelain skin

My mortality was nothing

It began and ends in a flash
And I remember that night

When I trusted in him and he did me wrong 

I remember how it felt to not breathe

Because of his weight on top of me

I remember the pain between my legs 

When he shoved his hand under my shorts

I will always remember. 
But now I have another memory

That still is taking form

These take a while to set in

For the details to be sharp 

instead of a haze

But it’s coming now

To the forefront of my mind
I can still feel the counter 

biting into my back

How I uttered the word no

But he came back again

I remember it all

Though it’s still a bit blurry…
I remember and

I don’t want to be touched

But I want to be held

I don’t want to see anyone 

But I crave the presence of another

I don’t want to do anything

But I must do everything 
And all I can think of is pain

I want it to end 

But I don’t want to die
I’m lost. I can’t see 

past the tears in my eyes. 

Hello to anyone that happens across my page! I haven’t posted anything on here in THREE years. It’s unbelievable. Three years ago I graduated high school. Ever since has been a roller coaster of mostly downfalls with many poems to document it along the way. I’m going to be sharing those poems and I hope you get something from them!! 


Human Nature

I have my flaws, but I have good qualities as well. I am kind, caring, understanding, loving, compassionate, trusting and honest. And it is through these very qualities that people take advantage of me. It is not in me to understand why this is done by so many. I am not the only victim of this; kindhearted people are often exploited because they are understanding and only wish to help.
The saying goes,”treat others the way you wish to be treated”, and that is all I am guilty of.


I’m going through a tough time right now. I search for love and acceptance, but to no avail. A short thing I wrote is this,” loneliness leadens the heart until it drops.” My heart feels like lead, and it’s dropping ever lower.

Tear drops splash on my porcelain skin, the salty residue is the mark of my sin.
I am held in contempt for crimes not committed.
I am locked inside a cold breathing gate. I have done the world no wrong!
These tears I cry
slide down into
my ears as I lie.
The feeling of drowning complete. My hearing is muffled, my thoughts rather drowsy, and all my crying eyes can see is the blackness of the watery abyss.
It’s nearly comforting, this water. It’s an embrace. And how I long for an embrace!
I am held from the world like a horrid and feared prisoner. Shackled to the wall but then dragged to the dungeon.
Ragged cuts bloody my once rosy cheeks.
I used to smile, my eyes would light up. But my face no longer knows the use of those muscles and my eyes are as dark as the world they see. My sparkle has faded, my cheeks have paled. How I have only wanted to be wanted. For them to smile when I walk in, not run. My soul tears itself to pieces when they won’t look at me. When a chance to speak with me makes them cringe.
I just want someone to talk to. I want someone to listen. Dear god please. I am so alone

I don’t know if I’ve ever posted this, but it’s a poem I wrote last year. Unfortunately the feelings are still valid.


I find myself looking back
And see this girl alone.

My mouth speaks,”It will end.”
While her soul gasps,”…but when?”

I cannot stand
the loneliness I face
It is the darkness
With weaves like lace

I seek for this God
And I wait to find
What I know you will give me,
In good time

But I struggle in the wait
And feel used as bait

I am the bullet board-
With scattered holes

They shoot at their fears
And I cry their tears

Why is it me God?
Why must I shed these tears?

I know you have a purpose for this
But it is hard to live
without any bliss

All I ask is for a friend-
Not pity, that someone might lend

I’m not asking for someone
to stand always by my side
Just someone that might cry,
had I died

Please god
I’m trying so hard to have hope
And you know
the slickness of that slope

But I am lonely and sad,
And I only wish that I had
A friend.


MARC cannot close…MARC is the only marine rehab and conservation center in the Maine. Organizations like Marine Mammals of Maine are trying desperately to find something else to aid them in the surrounding states.
Please sign this petition and share around. I hope to god it works.

Life’s sorrows

Tonight the world lost a beautiful and sweet girl. Kelcey was so kind and loved to laugh. She sang with all her heart. She was a treasure that was lost to cancer at only eighteen years old.
Please God stay with her family and friends. Comfort them in their sorrow. Bless us with Kelcey’s strength. Help us to always be #kelceystrong.
Goodbye Kelcey. I miss you.

My Hope

I pray that God
holds each of us in
his warm embrace
where fear and sorrow
have no place.


Sifted Sand

If life, the world, people and relationships are puzzle pieces…and I’m a circle…how can it ever work? Is it me that must be molded…or is it the world that must transform?
My thoughts propose rebellion and revolutionary tactics. My thoughts are of old fashioned ideals and religious importance. My mind is one of mercurial temper.
I’m so contrary that I have deep divides and colliding forces within my soul. What is this intangible reality? It’s nonsensical.



I have recently written some poems that unfortunately aren’t very good. They do, however, uncover my head to my peering eyes. But my head is filled with fog and my eyes are blind and of no use.
This is why the world is so lost. Society has nearly forced us to be born into blindness. We cannot see ourselves, what we want to be, and above all-we cannot see what we should be.

A blind man can’t describe a color he’s never seen.