Archive for July, 2014

Human Nature

I have my flaws, but I have good qualities as well. I am kind, caring, understanding, loving, compassionate, trusting and honest. And it is through these very qualities that people take advantage of me. It is not in me to understand why this is done by so many. I am not the only victim of this; kindhearted people are often exploited because they are understanding and only wish to help.
The saying goes,”treat others the way you wish to be treated”, and that is all I am guilty of.


I’m going through a tough time right now. I search for love and acceptance, but to no avail. A short thing I wrote is this,” loneliness leadens the heart until it drops.” My heart feels like lead, and it’s dropping ever lower.

Tear drops splash on my porcelain skin, the salty residue is the mark of my sin.
I am held in contempt for crimes not committed.
I am locked inside a cold breathing gate. I have done the world no wrong!
These tears I cry
slide down into
my ears as I lie.
The feeling of drowning complete. My hearing is muffled, my thoughts rather drowsy, and all my crying eyes can see is the blackness of the watery abyss.
It’s nearly comforting, this water. It’s an embrace. And how I long for an embrace!
I am held from the world like a horrid and feared prisoner. Shackled to the wall but then dragged to the dungeon.
Ragged cuts bloody my once rosy cheeks.
I used to smile, my eyes would light up. But my face no longer knows the use of those muscles and my eyes are as dark as the world they see. My sparkle has faded, my cheeks have paled. How I have only wanted to be wanted. For them to smile when I walk in, not run. My soul tears itself to pieces when they won’t look at me. When a chance to speak with me makes them cringe.
I just want someone to talk to. I want someone to listen. Dear god please. I am so alone

I don’t know if I’ve ever posted this, but it’s a poem I wrote last year. Unfortunately the feelings are still valid.


I find myself looking back
And see this girl alone.

My mouth speaks,”It will end.”
While her soul gasps,”…but when?”

I cannot stand
the loneliness I face
It is the darkness
With weaves like lace

I seek for this God
And I wait to find
What I know you will give me,
In good time

But I struggle in the wait
And feel used as bait

I am the bullet board-
With scattered holes

They shoot at their fears
And I cry their tears

Why is it me God?
Why must I shed these tears?

I know you have a purpose for this
But it is hard to live
without any bliss

All I ask is for a friend-
Not pity, that someone might lend

I’m not asking for someone
to stand always by my side
Just someone that might cry,
had I died

Please god
I’m trying so hard to have hope
And you know
the slickness of that slope

But I am lonely and sad,
And I only wish that I had
A friend.