I remember….Yes, I remember

When all I had 

were the anonymous comments

When all I knew was pain

How I cried alone each night

And woke with dried tears on my face

I remember
I remember too well

All that happened

And I know this feeling

It’s in the pit of my stomach

Threatening to come up

Causing cramps and nausea

This feeling of 

Not wanting to be

Of not knowing what to do

Because there is nothing

And no one
I remember how I cried those nights

How I wanted to slice my flesh

Watch red bloom from porcelain skin

My mortality was nothing

It began and ends in a flash
And I remember that night

When I trusted in him and he did me wrong 

I remember how it felt to not breathe

Because of his weight on top of me

I remember the pain between my legs 

When he shoved his hand under my shorts

I will always remember. 
But now I have another memory

That still is taking form

These take a while to set in

For the details to be sharp 

instead of a haze

But it’s coming now

To the forefront of my mind
I can still feel the counter 

biting into my back

How I uttered the word no

But he came back again

I remember it all

Though it’s still a bit blurry…
I remember and

I don’t want to be touched

But I want to be held

I don’t want to see anyone 

But I crave the presence of another

I don’t want to do anything

But I must do everything 
And all I can think of is pain

I want it to end 

But I don’t want to die
I’m lost. I can’t see 

past the tears in my eyes.